Learning Starts with Respect

Julie Baron, clinical social worker, adolescent therapist , former middle school counselor, and author, writes for Edutopia:

We know that adolescents are acutely aware of when adults are treating them with respect and when they aren't. We also know that engagement leads to successful academic outcomes and a greater sense of well-being for both the student and educator. If teens are more likely to engage with adults who respect them, it's safe to say that respect is essential to student learning.

When adolescents describe the ways in which they experience respect, they report that they want to feel challenged by being pushed beyond their comfort zone. They want adults to hold the bar high for them. They feel respected when adults listen and respond to them without judgment, and accept their beliefs and values, however different from their own. And when adults are responsive to their intellectual, physical, social, and emotional needs, adolescents feel this as genuine concern for their welfare, which in turn makes them feel valued.

But adolescents can be uniquely frustrating to many adults. The challenging developmental tasks of separating from adults and seeking their own identity often lead them to push adults away, refute adult guidance, and disagree even when it betrays all rationality. It is important for us not to overlook the developmental necessity of these behaviors and to understand them. In doing so, we express our respect for each teen.

We can demonstrate at least six specific skills to help create a respectful relationship with teens. While the value of respect in our work may seem a no-brainer, its consistent execution is a constant challenge.

1. Understand and respect the function of the behavior.
2. Assess whether there may be a skills or performance deficit.
3. Assess motivation: know if your goals match their goals.
4. Find something positive about the adolescent.
5. Know your own triggers.
6. Seek feedback.

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